8:30 a.m. - Check online to get train schedule. I had previously gone to Clarendon Hills 3 years ago (to see Amy and her baby son) via a commuter train, so I figure this would be how I would go there. Well, the only way to get there required an "L" train, 2 buses and then a connection to a commuter train...all-in-all a 3 hour tour to go 30 miles...Gilligan & The Skipper can tell you what can happen in a 3 hour tour. Besides according to the schedule I would had to have been on the "L" 15 minutes ago. I have one option left: rent a car.
10 a.m. - Go to Union Station to pick up my car.
10:30 a.m. - After about 15 minutes of navigating the one ways around Union Station, I'm finally off. Using my handy-dandy driving instructions from Google Maps, I get on I-90/I-94 (Kennedy Expressway) Westbound from Randolph Street. My instructions say to take Lake Street...Lake is one block north of Randolph and I did the instructions from my home which is about 1.5 blocks north of Lake. Since I am going southwest, I don't foresee this as an issue.
10:40 a.m. - I'm on I-90/I-94 W looking for I-290 W (Eisenhower Expressway), but can't seem to find it. I see several other "I" signs, but not I-290 W, I see Cellular Field...and the Indiana toll way is coming up. Time to turnaround.
10:45 a.m. - I'm now on I-90/I-94 E. I pass Cellular Field, again. After about 3 miles I find I-290 W...it is about 8 blocks south of where I originally got onto the Expressway...not really sure how I missed it. I begin to sit in traffic, since in addition to this interstate taking travelers to the suburbs it also takes travelers to downtown Chicago. I proceed to get cutoff by about 8 cars.
10:55 a.m. - I'm on I-290 W. Now I have to keep my eyes peeled for I-88 W (Ronald Reagan Memorial Expressway...what is it with presidential expressways?). I should be there in plenty of time. My directions say it should take me 30 minutes from my place to the church.
11:05 a.m. - I-88 W. I'm going in the right direction. Now need to find US-34 W.
11:10 a.m. - No signs for US-34 W, and I'm now in massive construction. One lane has no exits and two lanes have lots of exits. I'll keep with the two lane option. I'm passing Oak Brook, Naperville, Lisle...these suburbs are kind of far outside of Chicago...
11:20 a.m. - Still no signs for US-34 W. I'm approaching the Aurora toll way and the Aurora Premium Outlets. Maybe US-34 W is right after the toll. My directions to do say "toll way."
11:25 a.m. - Pay the $0.80 toll.
11:30 a.m. - I have crossed the surburbia border and now am in farmland. The christening has already begun. I'm very, very, late.
11:35 a.m. - There are no exits. I see a sign: "DeKalb 26 mi Iowa 125 mi" Holy Crap where am
I!....I'm amazed at the landscape. Lots of green flat lands with very, very small hills (more like lush dunes) and random buildings: grain silos, barns, farmhouses. The bright blue sky and puff white clouds take up about 90% of the landscape. I feel like I'm in some sort of 17th century Dutch landscape painting. I reach for my camera, but I didn't bring it. Camera Phone! I take random shots of the scenery while going 70 mph down the "road to nowhere"....still no exits. I have been thinking about doing a road trip to visit various midwest states, maybe this is a sign? Should I drive to Iowa? I reconsider: black sheath dress, nude patent leather heels, pink pashmina, long gold necklace and large green leather purse really isn't "road trip" attire...I'll save Iowa for another time...
I!....I'm amazed at the landscape. Lots of green flat lands with very, very small hills (more like lush dunes) and random buildings: grain silos, barns, farmhouses. The bright blue sky and puff white clouds take up about 90% of the landscape. I feel like I'm in some sort of 17th century Dutch landscape painting. I reach for my camera, but I didn't bring it. Camera Phone! I take random shots of the scenery while going 70 mph down the "road to nowhere"....still no exits. I have been thinking about doing a road trip to visit various midwest states, maybe this is a sign? Should I drive to Iowa? I reconsider: black sheath dress, nude patent leather heels, pink pashmina, long gold necklace and large green leather purse really isn't "road trip" attire...I'll save Iowa for another time... 
11:55 a.m. - An exit! But another toll! A sign for an "oasis" that consists of McDonalds, Subway, Panda Express and Mobil gasoline at the exit after the tool exit. Hallelujah!
Noon - I procure a map for $8.95, which I will most likely never use. I call my friend to apologize for not being at the christening. I realize I don't have the address for the lunch afterwards. I get her voicemail...in Florida. Aware I won't be enjoying a nice lunch in my friend's sister's home, I take in the healing power of McDonalds and plan my journey back to city. Then I see it. A bumper sticker: "I brake for trains." Whoa, who doesn't?
12:05 p.m. - I have driven around the parking lot twice and can't seem to find out how to get to the toll way "east." There are several signs for toll way "west" but I'm not looking to go to Iowa...I inquire at the convenience store "How do I get to the toll way east?" "Are you parked in this parking lot?" "Yes" "What type of car do you have?" "Corolla" "You have to take toll way west and take the next exit, turnaround then go east" "Um, ok, thanks." Maybe if I had an SUV I could go throw the padlock gate that separates the east and west parking lots....What genius thought of having two separate parking lots taking away the inalienable right to U-turn by forcing travelers to go to the next exit?
12:10 p.m. - Enlightenment: The State of Illinois thought of this, so IDOT could take $2.20 in tolls...one to exit and one to enter the toll way...those #@%&*!
12:45 p.m. - I'm approaching the Aurora toll stop and the Aurora Premium Outlets. Since I'm not going to the christening, why not get some shopping done. Not gonna happen. The woman in Hyundai didn't want me to go shopping...I can't believe she blocked my exit. The next exit isn't for another....5 miles....Must be divine intervention...
12:50 p.m. - Pay the $0.80 toll. They get you coming & going...what a racket.
1:15 p.m. - Pay another $0.80 toll. So it costs twice as much to come into Chicago as it does to leave?...I guess that controls the population.
1:30 p.m. - US-34 W exit. No forewarning sign. No "US-34 W 1 mile" Nothing. Just an exit sign. I don't feel so bad now. It wasn't my fault I missed the exit, it was IDOT, and their very elaborate plan to take $4.60 in tolls from me!
1:40 p.m. - Sitting in traffic. Moving at 10 mph. Stopping. Moving. Stopping....I'm so happy I don't have to drive on a regular basis. Starting to get sleepy....
2 p.m. - Return rental car. My journey has come to an end. I didn't accomplish anything, except strengthen my resolve to do a road trip and fortify my dislike for IDOT.
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Post Script: In trying to think of the purpose for my epic journey I thought I it might be an allegory to life: a long road to no where/pastoral paradise with oases that give us joy coupled with the consequences of taking a wrong turn and having to a pay a price to get back on track. But that is the easy way out, and it's also a bunch of trite crap.
So instead I give you this.... "I brake for trains." A statement that I'd say most of the population can agree on as being the right course of action, and for those who disagree, well they probably have a limited life expectancy. So how can we leverage this pretty much universally accepted idea? I say, use it as a call to action to unite our fractured society. It is smart without being "elitist." It is simple without being "old fashioned." In a word it is elegant. So I challenge all of you to contact your elected official and tell them there is a movement out there which everyone can agree on no matter your political, religious or social beliefs...the belief that we should all brake for trains. Maybe this small step of unity could change the world. I feel this...this was the purpose for my journey. Have a good weekend & always remember to brake for trains.....
